Posting on Facebook is always a dangerous challenge: say the wrong thing, and watch as the hidden trolls in your Facebook family pop up on your pristine wall. And while posting on social media has always been a risk, for many Clinton supporters, this election cycle has been a particular obstacle. Those who have posted have lost friendships with random strangers on Facebook, and jeopardized relationships with beloved egg avatars.
So how do you make your opinion known on social media without having it drastically affect your social life? If you’re a Hillary supporter, and you’re thinking about endorsing her on Facebook, please consult our style guide first.
1. Don’t do it.
In lieu of posting an endorsement, consider sharing a story that everyone can like: perhaps a feel-good story about an earthworm who found a home, or a small town tap-dancing cat who made it to Broadway.
2. If you do choose to endorse her, refer to her exclusively as “the better of two evils.”
If you do choose to endorse her publicly, exercise caution. Do not reference her immigration reform plan that she plans to pass during her first 100 days in office, or her work as Secretary or State. She is a “tragic alternative,” nothing more, nothing less.
3. If you must post a positive Hillary Clinton article on Facebook, make sure you like all of the unproven conspiracy theories posted in the comments section.
Your friend shares some 10-year-old incomprehensible YouTube video on your Facebook page that FINALLY proving for once and for all that CROOKED HILLARY is DEAD!
Sure, the video includes no citations and an extensive Kid Rock soundtrack. But if you have interest in preserving the friendship, you have no social media choice but to like it (and perhaps follow up with: “Thanks for the share!” and an emoticon of your choice).
4. End every sentence with “I see where you’re coming from.”
Hillary Clinton is coming to take away all your guns? “I see where you’re coming from.”
It’s better to vote for Donald Trump since “the socialist revolution will come faster?”
“I see where you’re coming from.”
5. Emphasize that her gender has NOTHING to do with your endorsement.
There is absolutely nothing exciting or novel about electing the first female president in 279 years of American history. Nope. Don’t see it.
6. Set up a secret Hillary Clinton supporters group.
In lieu of sharing your support publicly, simply retreat to a dark, claustrophobic social media closet (Facebook group) where you can share your support with dozens of people who won’t call you a liar.
There are hundreds of others like you.
7. Quietly post a pro-Hillary article, and then follow it up with, “But all politicians are terrible.”
Nothing brings people together like a empty takedown of an entire profession they don’t totally understand.
8. Never actually endorse her, but instead just post a whole bunch of hateful Donald Trump tweets.
A community made stronger by the hatred of one man.
9. Instead of openly supporting her, just post that one GIF of her at the Benghazi hearings that everyone actually liked.
You don’t like her, you just like her GIFs. It’s different.
10. Only ever post critical articles of her, and then quietly vote for her in the general.
You just don’t want to talk about it, okay???! Leave you alone!
11. Anytime your friends ask you who you’re voting for, respond with “Sigh. I dunno. It’s complicated.”
Translation: “Sigh. I know. It’s Hillary and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
12. Don’t support her publicly. Just share this photo of the Hamilton cast raising money for Hillary.
A vote for Trump is a vote against Hamilton. Do they really want to do that?
13. Endorse her online, close all your social media accounts and move into a cave.
Stand up for what you believe in, and then go live in the best hole in town.